Will He, or Won't He?

Dear Toni

I have been with my boyfriend for three years and he has not showed any signs of proposing anytime soon. In those three years a handful of his friends have gotten married which we have attended all their weddings. We recently moved in together and I felt this was it but still nothing! Should I be worried? 

- wishing to get married 


Dear Wishing to get married,

The fact that your boyfriend has not proposed does not necessarily mean he does not wish to settle down with you. It may simply mean he is not ready. Most times, when men are mature enough and ready for marriage, they seldom need to be told to make the move. You can ask him how he feels and if it is in his future plans but do not make it an issue or pressure him. Putting too much pressure of  him could end up pushing him away.  Remember a mature man who wishes to spend the rest of his life with you will respond favorably without you nagging or over talking about the subject. 

Most times, you will know where he stands by his utterances about the topic. It is also not a good idea to pressure him because you also don't want him feeling like he was forced to marry you. Doing so could also cause issues later down the line if he feels unhappy with the marriage. It is best to let things happen naturally. 

As a subtle reminder that this is where you are in life, you can drop casual hints by saying things like "we would be the cutest married couple ever" just to see his reaction and response. If he seems interested in the idea, simply give him more time. 

If your man seems like he detests the idea of marriage or he has told you categorically that he is not interested in marriage, you may want to really sit down and analyze how important marriage is to you. 

If your future plan do not align. If marriage is very important to you but he doesn't wish to get married, it may be time time to start looking for someone whose plans align with yours. However, if he makes you happy and marriage can be over looked, maybe it's best to just enjoy your relationship. 

As beautiful as it is to be married, always keep in mind that it does not guarantee happiness and the most important thing is that he loves and respects you even off paper. 

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